Posts
Stolen Innocence
I was molested. I was molested by more than one person. What is it about abused people that make them prone to abuses by predators. Is it because we are so eager to please and receive love? I was molested by strangers and family. People in the family knew. It had happened to them to, but as is so prevalent in families, we don’t talk about. We don’t air our dirty linen in public. So, it is kept secret and the violations and abuses continue. My grandfather and stepfather molested me. And the man at the post office. My mom knew there was someone molesting children and said, “You must tell me if he touches you, or you will be in so much trouble.” Huh?? I was six years old. When she told me, it had been happening for months. I couldn't tell her now because I'd be in trouble. I cried every time she sent me for the mail. I couldn’t tell her because the man was going to hurt me and my family. AND, this is the big one; if a parent knows there is a child molester, why would you send your child out to be molested and then have the “tell you” if you were. Would you not say or think that you would not let this happen to your child?
When we were punished we were beaten. Brutally. Violently. Uncontrolled rage. Our clothes had to removed so we were completely naked. If we did not do it willingly, they were ripped and torn from out battered bodies. The last time it happened I was 17 years old. In front of my siblings, and my molesting stepfather. Shameful, humiliating, painful life-altering abuse. That is also a form of sexual abuse and shaming. Oh my God, this still causes such pain in my soul. Then this freak, this creature that shared in shaming me in my nakedness, and helped beat me, or hold me down while my mother beat me, would come into my room and molest me. And I let him because he wasn’t “hurting” me. Plus, I was really afraid that if I resisted, I would be hurt again. What the fuck did I know? It didn’t physically hurt like the razor strap, but it made me feel dirty, and filthy. It reinforced my mother’s words that I was a slut and would spread my legs for anyone. Then I was just 13.
You never touched that little girl
and she’s safe somewhere in another world.
I kept her safe from your prying hands
and the things that she can’t understand.
The things you did, she had to endure.
I felt the pain that you meant for her.
You took the child away from me
And made me older than I had to be.
You showed me things I shouldn’t see
and put your parts all over me.
You touched me lips, you touched my face,
you touched my skin all over the place.
Daddy did this to my mom
I saw them once and had to run
It’s not supposed to happen to me,
And I close my eyes so I can’t see.
So I locked her somewhere safe inside
and taught her how to run and hide.
Well, she hid so well I can’t find her now.
I’d like to get her, but I don’t know how.
Yet, I have a key to set her free
And let her become a part of me.
But I’ve lost the key and can’t let her out,
Now she’s alone and I’m without.
Katie (Vinjette) Kristoffer
1989
I was molested. I was molested by more than one person. What is it about abused people that make them prone to abuses by predators. Is it because we are so eager to please and receive love? I was molested by strangers and family. People in the family knew. It had happened to them to, but as is so prevalent in families, we don’t talk about. We don’t air our dirty linen in public. So, it is kept secret and the violations and abuses continue. My grandfather and stepfather molested me. And the man at the post office. My mom knew there was someone molesting children and said, “You must tell me if he touches you, or you will be in so much trouble.” Huh?? I was six years old. When she told me, it had been happening for months. I couldn't tell her now because I'd be in trouble. I cried every time she sent me for the mail. I couldn’t tell her because the man was going to hurt me and my family. AND, this is the big one; if a parent knows there is a child molester, why would you send your child out to be molested and then have the “tell you” if you were. Would you not say or think that you would not let this happen to your child?
When we were punished we were beaten. Brutally. Violently. Uncontrolled rage. Our clothes had to removed so we were completely naked. If we did not do it willingly, they were ripped and torn from out battered bodies. The last time it happened I was 17 years old. In front of my siblings, and my molesting stepfather. Shameful, humiliating, painful life-altering abuse. That is also a form of sexual abuse and shaming. Oh my God, this still causes such pain in my soul. Then this freak, this creature that shared in shaming me in my nakedness, and helped beat me, or hold me down while my mother beat me, would come into my room and molest me. And I let him because he wasn’t “hurting” me. Plus, I was really afraid that if I resisted, I would be hurt again. What the fuck did I know? It didn’t physically hurt like the razor strap, but it made me feel dirty, and filthy. It reinforced my mother’s words that I was a slut and would spread my legs for anyone. Then I was just 13.
You never touched that little girl
and she’s safe somewhere in another world.
I kept her safe from your prying hands
and the things that she can’t understand.
The things you did, she had to endure.
I felt the pain that you meant for her.
You took the child away from me
And made me older than I had to be.
You showed me things I shouldn’t see
and put your parts all over me.
You touched me lips, you touched my face,
you touched my skin all over the place.
Daddy did this to my mom
I saw them once and had to run
It’s not supposed to happen to me,
And I close my eyes so I can’t see.
So I locked her somewhere safe inside
and taught her how to run and hide.
Well, she hid so well I can’t find her now.
I’d like to get her, but I don’t know how.
Yet, I have a key to set her free
And let her become a part of me.
But I’ve lost the key and can’t let her out,
Now she’s alone and I’m without.
Katie (Vinjette) Kristoffer
1989
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