A Delusional Mind and Truth

Truth. Didn't Pilate ask Claudia "What is truth?"  Is truth what we see in front of our eyes, or is truth something that awaits us in the future. Or is it both. Now and later. But what is truth if two people look at the same thing and see different things. Which of the two is viewing the truth. They are both experiencing their own truth, but only one is real. How do you let the one who experiences the lie know that they are not experiencing truth. I think it is so complicated.

My mom was talking to me on the phone yesterday. She has been in a great deal of pain with her heart and back and was an emotional wreck. Or at least that is how it sounded. With a malignant narcissist psychopath, you never know what is real and not real so I tread very cautiously. The previous week she had been in a similar state but had been talking about ending her life because she is so F****** tired of this she'd rather be dead. I reminded her that she had said she wanted to be with her daughters for a long time now that we were together. She paused for a split second to recover and tossed back "Well, of course I do, but would you want to live like this?" Of course no one wants to live in pain and mom's pain would be a lot less if she was in a home where nurses would help her. But she would rather play the martyr and get the attention for being a long suffering woman. To get the strokes that she equates with love "How do you manage?", "You are such a strong woman." She gloats in the light of the praising words. What they don't know is how abusive my MNM is when they leave. The air is filled with filty words screamed between clenched teeth. "Do that, do this, not that! This! Go here, go there, go get that."  It never stops. I told her she had to stop cursing. That she had wonderful people who are trying to move heaven and heart for her and she says the F word at them. She says, "I know, they just make me mad." How do they make her mad, how could they possibly make her mad I inquire. "Well, they just don't do the things they way I want them done and I get mad." That's her world. She has gone through 3 housekeepers in 8 weeks. They only come every 2 weeks, so that is an indication of how demanding she is.

So back to the phone call. And truth. She starts to sob an academy award performance of devastation and pain. I almost fell for it until she said "Now that I have found my daughters I don't want them to leave. I am so afraid you'll go away again." Then the floor fell out from under my feet. That whole statement was a lie. Anyone listening would have thought, "Oh that poor woman. How could her family leave her alone like that? Thank goodness she found them!" Anyone in hearing distance would be recruited as a flying monkey in my mother life of delusions. I wanted to pick up a pillow and smother her lying manipulating lips that sound like they speak truth.

The truth:

1 Now that I have found my daughters - She did not find us. A long-time flying monkey friend of my mom's get asking for numbers and addresses of her kids so she could contact us and mom kept saying no. This woman went through my mother's drawers and found an address book and was able to get in touch with my sister. My sister called me and I called my mom.

2. I'm so afraid you'll go away again - We never went anywhere. My mother moved and had an unlisted number. We knew the area she lived but did not know where. We looked and tried to find her but had no luck.

3. I don't want them to leave - Only when it suits her. I have phoned and her refuse my calls for up to 7 days. When I told he she was acting like a child she refused to call me for 3 weeks. She only wants us if we dance to her wants and needs.

To my mom, he statement is the truth. It is the truth because of her malignant narcissism. We are an extension of her being, her emotions, her thoughts, her brains. What she is thinking or feeling must be what we are thinking and feeling. If it is not the same, she is mad. Angry. She suffers narcissistic injury which manifests in huge, out of control rages. But to her it is real. She looks into her broken mirror and she sees the warped reflections of her brokenness and it is real. The rest of us look at the world and everything in and around it. We include others in our reflections of life and thereby come to a more comprehensive conclusion of life and situations. My mom's world is only her broken reflection, and to her I don't even exist. I am hidden behind the broken mirror of her life.

I went through the above with her. I sat beside her and held her hand and told her it was I who called her, that it was she who moved away. I waited for her to say something, and she said "Anyway, we're here now." Just a dismissal of the facts. Always the truth gets discounted, dismissed, argued, or raged away. Anyway, what is truth?

What is truth?
It is a hard question to answer, but Jesus said "I am the way the truth, and the life". Know Him and you will come to know the truth. Jesus also came to set the prisoners free. I was a prisoner of lies and deception for a very long time. The veils are being lifted and the scales are falling from eyes. I see my mom and who she is and I love more than I ever have. I have to. She is God's child too. Just like me. We are both in need of healing.