A Child Of God

MNM are emotional vampires and they suck everything out of you. Everything of value. Everything good, everything that makes you you. They erode your will, your mind, your life, until you are left with nothing but tears behind your eyes, and then they take them. They suck the soul from you until you are dried right out and nothing is left and they sit on their lofty perch waiting for the kill. The ultimate prize for a homicidal MNM is when they can manipulate you into taking your own life. Their hands remain clean and they get all kinds of attention for the death. "Poor MNM". "How can you bear it?" "You are so strong." "After all you did for that child." They bask in the attention and they preen their feathers as the lies gather and pick your bones clean. When I was 17 I tried to take my life. It wasn't planned. I was already dead, and just a few words pushed me over the edge. "Useless; good for nothing; you'd be better off dead!"

I was dead inside but yet in some perverted way I believed this would make my MNM happy. After all I was convinced that I was what all her despicable lies said to me. I thought this ultimate act of sacrifice would make her happy. How sick and twisted can one be to cause their child to come to that conclusion. The are empty of any moral or redeeming qualities. Evil permeates everything they say and do, everything they touch is contaminated. Everything and anything, including living, breathing, good, human beings are objects they use and destroy to further their vampire like needs. They drain your life force from you and then toss you away in the garbage.

This is the poem I wrote about my road to suicide at 17. A time when I should have been looking forward to new beginnings. A new path in life. Marriage, jobs, children. I chose death.


A CHILD OF GOD

Sent to a demon that gave her birth,
A child of God unloved on earth.
Loved by the angels way up high,
She'd pray to them and ask them why.

She used to dream of better things,
of fairy tales and magic rings.
To dream that she could fly away
to loving arms and brighter days.

But the demon came and took them all,
broke her spirit and watched her fall.
The queen of terror, the master of pain
Struck out at her again and again.

She learned to cower and live in fear,
She learned to cry her silent tears.
To open he mouth but never speak,
To close her eyes but never sleep.

Taught to believe that she was no good,
That no one would love her as no one could.
Cruelly defeated with shattered esteem,
Now empty inside of even her dreams.

A beaten child that knew her place,
A crying heart with a smiling face.
She'd go to bed and silently cry,
And pray to God and ask to die.

She tried to please with all her might,
'til nothing remained to help her fight,
the fear inside, the terrible cold;
a child so young had grown old.

(c) 1989 Katie "Vinjette" Kristoffer (VGW)

I thank my God everyday that I was his child and he did not let me die on that October day in 1971. I had value to Him.